I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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