I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
