I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Randomize
