Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
i drank out of a bidet.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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