I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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