New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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