I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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