You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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