my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
My vagina is very pro this idea
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