I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Too much gin, very little bucket
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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