he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
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It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
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New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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