dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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