at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Even my vagina gasped.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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