I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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