Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
