I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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