she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
