you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
