drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
