when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
how drunk are you?
Several
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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