If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
