I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
