Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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