I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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