Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
