2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
