i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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