hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
