just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
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Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
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You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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