When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
