Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
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I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
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You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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