well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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