Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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