the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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