You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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