she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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