So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
