Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
My dick has a subreddit
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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