I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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