Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
