just survived the first fart of the relationship.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
