I cannot find my penis.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
