Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
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I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
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I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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