so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
