Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
