Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
