I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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