You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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