Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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