You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
