Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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