So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
