Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
