youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Randomize
