..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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