I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
