i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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