OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
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She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
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You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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