You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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