You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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