he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
