i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Randomize
